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I'm looking for an environment where a certain amount of screaming and shouting can be tolerated.
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| They are available for assassination, espionage, intimidation, and all of your other business needs. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Egalitarian Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| James, pick me up at precisely 3:00 p.m. I've reserved the conference room for two hours, and Mary hates when we run over our time - even if we are followed by commoners. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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What it be? What it is? What it do? Uhm, can I help you?
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Michael Malbrough
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.jpg "The Early History of Virtual Offices (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| You take cave for two hours for clan meeting. Me take golden hair. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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| What do you mean, the virtual tenant from Jupiter left the conference room, "icky." By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office Services for Stay-at-Home Moms (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| I just need to dress up in business clothes and get away from the kids for a couple of hours every week. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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| We have over 500 virtual tenants - a lot of them, single professionals - and many, I must say, are very cute. Check out the hunk over at the front desk, for example. That's Ethan Cohen. He's an attorney who just signed on with us. I'll bet he would love to meet you. |
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| I'm sorry, but you've been voted off the island.
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough
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.jpg "Virtual Office with Dedicated Receptionist (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| I pledge allegiance to the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows, of the United States of America... by Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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What do you mean, the tenants think I'm emotionally aloof?!
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough
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.jpg "Virtual Office Cost Per Square Foot (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| I'm not being stubborn, sir. It isn't possible for me to give you the cost per square foot of a virtual office. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Mary wasn't lying when she said there was an interesting assortment of people at the Executive Office Center. I thought you guys were extinct! |
.jpg "Virtual Office TGIF Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Michelle, I'd like to schedule the hot tub for 8:00 p.m. on Friday evening. If Shirley Eckman should be interested in using it at that hour, please tell her I wouldn't mind sharing it with her. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| The cost is $2.99, if you'd like to send someone a virtual kiss, $29.99, if you'd like to send someone a real one. No, I will not be the one giving the kiss...maybe Michelle. by Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
In anticipation of the legalization of medical marijuana in the State of New York, the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows is ready with an appertaining policy.
.jpg "Virtual Office Services & Medical Marijuana") |
| The kitchen is for all of our tenants, so be careful about leaving any of your brownies in the fridge. |
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| Your start up company is going to grow. I see it getting bigger and bigger. Wait, I see something else...a woman. Oh, it's your dearly departed wife, Sylvia. She says...you were never a success, and you never will be...I'm sorry. Don't pay any attention to her. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows takes pride in the many ancillary services it provides:
.jpg "Virtual Office Personal Escort Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Michelle's husband is a pastor, so if you're looking for a good time while you're in New York, she would be happy to take you to church on Sunday. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
Virtual office services take on a new meaning at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows.
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| Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays, perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| I'm not sure if you're ready for your big move, Frank. You still look a little jaundiced to me. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
Mary Abrams, Associate Director of the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows, has heard it all. Even so, this particular request took her by surprise.
.jpg "Virtual Office Services for Business Couples (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Joe and I are newlyweds, as you know, Ms. Abrams, and we were wondering...well, I saw on your website that you offer customized furniture plans...you know, "your office, your way." Well...we were wondering if it wouldn't be too much to ask to have a bed installed in the office. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| No, we would be honored to have a cement business...(gulp)...at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Intensive Care Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| There was a merger. I was let go...cast off like a piece of unnecessary baggage. I've come here to start over again. Quick, this man needs a transfusion! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Michelle, Mr. Allen is going on an oil exploration mission to the Arctic. Could you please show him our igloo locations up there? Show him the ones with the ice block windows. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Serviced Office Space with Live Virtual Receptionist (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
My name is Michelle. I assure you, sir, I am not a hologram.
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough
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.jpg "Virtual Office Pet Sitting Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Aren't you a good dog, Brutus, for waiting so patiently for your master. Good dog, Brutus...good dog... |
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| I'm sure you noticed the on-hold Beatles music when you called. We also have episodes of Giligan's Island on the TV in the cafeteria, and a cardiac specialist on hand for coronary emergencies. |
.jpg "Jewish Mother Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Mr. Cheung, you're not leaving the office like that! Get back here this instant and put on a sweater! |
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| I've already undergone a few other enhancements, so I understand the concept. |
.jpg "Cloud Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| He says if we're going to use his facilities, it's only fair that he should be able to use ours. |
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| The boys and I would like to start a collections agency. Maybe we could even help you, Mrs. Abrams. You got any tenants here who ain't payin' you their rent? By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Relationship Management Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Mr. Chandler, your 13th wedding anniversary is coming up next Tuesday. I've made reservations for dinner for you and your wife at The Lion, and ordered two dozen long stemmed roses. There's a card, of course. Would you like to write something sweet, or would you like me to take care of that? By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Global Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Mr. Kahn, perhaps a man of your ambition would like to consider our Executive Office Center "World Dominion" package. It gives you the ultimate opportunity to grow your business by being able to attack from virtually every major metropolitan center in the world. |
.jpg "Virtual Office Personalized Telephone Answering (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Out of da Hood Financing?! That's how you want us to answer the phones for you?! |
.jpg "Virtual Office Mail Notification Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows, Queens NY)") |
| Hello Mr. Allen, this is Michelle at the Executive Office Center. I'm just calling to tell you that you have a package from - one second, let me have a look - oh... it's from the...Intimate Toy Store....uhm...okay...gotta go now. |
.jpg "Virtual Office Emergency Care Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| We're going to have the internet back up in a few moments, Mr. Watson. Calm down. Breathe deeply. Here, sit down, bend over and put your head between your knees. |
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The drop off - er, that is, package delivery - will take place tomorrow afternoon. If everything goes well, you'll be getting a very substantial bonus, Ms. Abrams. You're running a wonderful operation here. Isn't that right, boys?
Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Geisha Girl Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Look, Michelle, we're in a very competitive marketplace. We need to offer something new - something different. There, that looks good. Now, all I'm asking you do to do is put your hair up in a bun, put a chopstick through it, and walk on somebody's back for twenty minutes. |
.jpg "Virtual Office Extra Care Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Sorry to hear you're under the weather today, mum. But don't worry, this chicken soup should give that cold a good fight. And there's a glass of orange juice and zinc tablets on the tray, as well. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Services for Extra Terrestrials (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Foolish earthlings. Do they not realize how easy and economical their virtual office services network has made it for us to infiltrate their major population centers and take over the world! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| I'm very sorry, Mr. Chiu, but I can not allow you to go to a business meeting in that suit. You're a size 40, right. Here, take this and see if it fits. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs, now! |
.jpg "Virtual Office Courier Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it will understand what it means. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Hello Mr. Jones, the FBI was here looking for you today. I told them I didn't know your whereabouts. That'll be an extra $59 charge on your invoice this month. |
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| This may interest you as well, Mr. Jacobs. For a one time fee of $189, we will send someone to synagogue for you on Yom Kippur to attone for your sins. It'll be an extra $100 if you want that person to fast. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Image Consulting Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)")
.jpg "Co-working Plus (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)")
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