.jpg "Geisha Girl Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Look, Michelle, we're in a very competitive marketplace. We need to offer something new - something different. There, that looks good. Now, all I'm asking you do to do is put your hair up in a bun, put a chopstick through it, and walk on somebody's back for twenty minutes. |
.jpg "Virtual Office Extra Care Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Sorry to hear you're under the weather today, mum. But don't worry, this chicken soup should give that cold a good fight. And there's a glass of orange juice and zinc tablets on the tray, as well. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Services for Extra Terrestrials (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Foolish earthlings. Do they not realize how easy and economical their virtual office services network has made it for us to infiltrate their major population centers and take over the world! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Beck and Call Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows_") |
| Welcome to the Executive Office Center, Mr. Jones. Let me introduce you to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. They are here to insure a premium level of service for our tenants. There is a bell pull in your office to summon them when needed. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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.jpg "Virtual Office Business Mentoring Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
So, what you gotta do is - first, you spend a couple of years doing petty theft. Just to get your feet wet. Small stuff, just to see if you have the stomach for it. Then, you got lots of options, drugs, racketeering, protection. Being a hit man pays good money, too.
Oh my God! Vito, why are are you talking to this man? He was supposed to talk to Alan Kramer. He is starting a new web design business. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Concierge Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
Hello Mr. Burns, I've got you on the red-eye to Los Angeles, leaving JFK at 11:55. There are stuffed animals at the front desk, if you'd care to take one for your daughter - and I've picked up a lovely necklace for your wife, because you've been away from home for a week, and she would have expected you to miss her greatly... though we know otherwise, don't we.
By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| I'm very sorry, Mr. Chiu, but I can not allow you to go to a business meeting in that suit. You're a size 40, right. Here, take this and see if it fits. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| He wants to know if he can use the dish on the roof for his own communication needs. It doesn't fall into any of our basic packages, but we do offer to customize our virtual office telecommunication plans.
Who can forget the lovable little alien who was stranded on earth in Steven Spielberg's 1982 blockbuster film, ET, the Extra-Terrestrial. ET needed to "phone home" in order to be rescued. He constructed a makeshift radar dish with a popup umbrella lined with aluminum foil, in order to signal his spaceship to pick him up. If ET was stranded on earth today, advancements in communication technology would have made it easy for him to "phone home," just as it makes it easy for tenants and virtual tenants of the Executive Office Center to phone home or anywhere in the world with customized Queens virtual office telecommunication plans.
By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs, now! |
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| Abigail! What a nice surprise. I was hoping that your mother would bring you in today for a visit. Can you stay with me for a little while, while mommy goes up to her office to do some work? I could use some help here at the front desk. Is that okay with you mommy? By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Courier Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it will understand what it means. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Hello Mr. Jones, the FBI was here looking for you today. I told them I didn't know your whereabouts. That'll be an extra $59 charge on your invoice this month. |
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| This may interest you as well, Mr. Jacobs. For a one time fee of $189, we will send someone to synagogue for you on Yom Kippur to attone for your sins. It'll be an extra $100 if you want that person to fast. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| A virtual office would be perfect for us, Ms. Abrams. Let's just say we're in the olive oil business, and we'd like to expand our operations into New York. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Virtual Office Services and Existential Issues (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| So what if you're a virtual tenant. Of course I think of you as a real person! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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Congratulations Mr. Smith. Now, with your office in London and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you are officially a multinational company!
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| I already have a virtual husband, so this will be perfect. Buy Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Hey, Mr. Cabbot, I'll be looking for you under the mistletoe at the holiday party, and I'll be expecting something more than a virtual kiss from you. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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| Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single? By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Queens Virtual Office Services and the Theory of Relativity (© Jack Blumner)") |
No, Professor, I know that time and space are relative, but you can not get a discount because you feel that the time you spent in the office passed quickly.
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.jpg "Queens Virtual Office Services are not for ALL professionals! (© Jack Blumner)") |
No, we can not allow that here. I apologize for the misunderstanding. When you said you were professionals, I thought...
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church
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.jpg "Psychotherapist for Virtual Office Tenants at the Executive Office Center (© Jack Blumner)") |
I don't know. Lately, I've had these feelings of being...well...kind of vague and indefinite.
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| Michelle, when I said get into the holiday spirit on the telephones, I didn't mean for you to become anxious and depressed. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
.jpg "Queens Virtual Office Services for Start Ups (© Jack Blumner)") |
Your start up company is going to grow. I see it getting bigger and bigger. Wait, I see something else...a woman. Oh, it's your dearly departed wife, Sylvia. She says...you were never a success, and you never will be...I'm sorry. Don't pay any attention to her.
By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Rebecca Church |
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