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| Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays, perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| When I said get into the holiday spirit on the telephones, I didn't mean for you to become anxious and depressed. |
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| Hello Mr. Allen, this is Michelle at the Executive Office Center. I'm just calling to let you know that you have a package from - one second, let me have a look - oh... it's from the...Intimate Toy Store...uhm...okay...gotta go now. |
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| Michelle, can you help Mr. Williams with the jet pack. He has to be in Manhattan by 3:00 p.m. and the Long Island Expressway is backed up from Junction Blvd. |
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| Hello Mr. Burns. I've got you on the red-eye to Los Angeles, leaving JFK at 11:55. There are stuffed animals at the front desk, if you'd care to take one for your daughter - and I've picked up a lovely necklace for your wife, because you've been away from home for a week, and she would have expected you to miss her greatly...though we know otherwise, don't we. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| You need something for six months in the Brazilian rain forest near Manaus? You're doing research in the jungle, I presume. Okay, the Executive Office Center has a couple of huts off the Amazon near Manaus with the Lackachi tribe. If you're shopping around, let me just warn you that Global Space has something not far from there, but there are Hummoca in that vicinity, and the Hummoca are cannibals. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Mr. Chandler, your 13th wedding anniversary is coming up next Tuesday. I've made reservations for dinner for you and your wife at the Lion, and order two dozen long stemmed roses. There's a card, of course. Would you like to write something sweet, or would you like me to take care of that? |
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| The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it will understand what it means. |
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| Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs now! |
.jpg "Virtual Office Confessional Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| And this may interest you. If you live a decadent and dissolute lifestyle like a lot of people I know, we have a priest who comes in twice weekly to take confession from our tenants. |
.jpg "Business Mentoring at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows") |
| So, what you gotta do is - first you spend a couple of years doing petty theft. Just to get your feet wet. Small stuff, just to see if you have the stomach for it. Then, you got lots of options, drugs, racketeering, protection. Being a hit man pays good money, too. Oh my God! Vito, why are you talking to this man?! He was supposed to talk to Alan Kramer. He is starting a new web design business! |
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| A virtual office would be perfect for us, Ms. Abrams. Let's just say we're in the olive oil business, and we'd like to expand our operations into New York. |
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| Congratulations, Mr. Smith. Now, with your office in London, and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you're officially a multinational company! |
As we run out of space in the major cities of the world, some companies have actually turned to the water to creates work space, such as the H2Office pods in Cardiff Marina in Cardiff, England. But the one planned at Old Fort Niagra may be ill conceived.
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| I told you I had misgivings about this idea! |
The only downside of being a virtual office tenant:
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| So what if you're a virtual tenant. Of course I think of you as a real person. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Ivy League Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Please indicate your SAT scores on the application forms. |
The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows loves working moms!
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| Abigail! What a nice surprise. I was hoping that your mother would bring you in today for a visit. Can you stay with me for a little while, while mommy goes up to her office to do some work? I could use some help here at the front desk. Is that okay with you, mommy? |
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| But I don't want to make cold sales calls! |
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| Welcome to the Executive Office Center, Mr. Jones. Let me introduce you to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. They are here to insure a premium level of service for our tenants. There is a bell pull in your office to summon them when needed. |
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| He wants to know if he can use the dish on the roof for his own communication needs. It doesn't fall into any of our basic packages, but we do offer to customize our virtual office telecommunication plans. |
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| You may find this bed convenient during tax season, Mr. Harrelson. Just don't let me find anyone else in here with you. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| I'm sorry to disappoint you. The Executive Office Center is not exclusively for transvestites. We mean the borough of Queens. by Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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| No, Professor, I know that time and space are relative, but you can not get a discount because you feel that the time you spent in the office passed quickly. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office Personalized Telephone Answering (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| "Out of da Hood Financing?" That's how you want us to answer the phones for you?! |
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| Mr. Kahn, perhaps a man of your ambition would like to consider our "World Dominion" package. It gives you the ultimate opportunity to grow your business by being able to attack from virtually every major metropolitan center in the world. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office On Demand Meeting Space (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)")