Virtual Office Services for Professionals

Start the new year right with a virtual office at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows - the place for Queens professionals!

No, we can not allow that here. I apologize for the misunderstanding. When you said you were professionals, I thought...

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for the Holidays

Our top selling holiday virtual office service, year in and year out

Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays, perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Queens NY Telephone Answering Service

When I said get into the holiday spirit on the telephones, I didn't mean for you to become anxious and depressed.

Virtual Office Mail Receipt Services

Hello Mr. Allen, this is Michelle at the Executive Office Center. I'm just calling to let you know that you have a package from - one second, let me have a look - oh... it's from the...Intimate Toy Store...uhm...okay...gotta go now.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Over the Top Virtual Office Services

Michelle, can you help Mr. Williams with the jet pack. He has to be in Manhattan by 3:00 p.m. and the Long Island Expressway is backed up from Junction Blvd.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Concierge Services

Hello Mr. Burns. I've got you on the red-eye to Los Angeles, leaving JFK at 11:55. There are stuffed animals at the front desk, if you'd care to take one for your daughter - and I've picked up a lovely necklace for your wife, because you've been away from home for a week, and she would have expected you to miss her greatly...though we know otherwise, don't we.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Remote Outpost Virtual Office Services

You need something for six months in the Brazilian rain forest near Manaus? You're doing research in the jungle, I presume. Okay, the Executive Office Center has a couple of huts off the Amazon near Manaus with the Lackachi tribe. If you're shopping around, let me just warn you that Global Space has something not far from there, but there are Hummoca in that vicinity, and the Hummoca are cannibals.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Relationship Management Services

Mr. Chandler, your 13th wedding anniversary is coming up next Tuesday. I've made reservations for dinner for you and your wife at the Lion, and order two dozen long stemmed roses. There's a card, of course. Would you like to write something sweet, or would you like me to take care of that?

By Jack Blumner

Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Courier Services

The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it will understand what it means.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Reach Me Now Services

Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs now!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Confessional Services

And this may interest you. If you live a decadent and dissolute lifestyle like a lot of people I know, we have a priest who comes in twice weekly to take confession from our tenants.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Business Mentoring at the Executive Office Center

So, what you gotta do is - first you spend a couple of years doing petty theft. Just to get your feet wet. Small stuff, just to see if you have the stomach for it. Then, you got lots of options, drugs, racketeering, protection. Being a hit man pays good money, too.

Oh my God! Vito, why are you talking to this man?! He was supposed to talk to Alan Kramer. He is starting a new web design business!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services and the Olive Oil Business

A virtual office would be perfect for us, Ms. Abrams. Let's just say we're in the olive oil business, and we'd like to expand our operations into New York.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Grow Multi-nationally with Virtual Office Services

Congratulations, Mr. Smith.  Now, with your office in London, and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you're officially a multinational company!

Floating Office Space - the Next Big Thing?

As we run out of space in the major cities of the world, some companies have actually turned to the water to creates work space, such as the H2Office pods in Cardiff Marina in Cardiff, England.  But the one planned at Old Fort Niagra may be ill conceived.

I told you I had misgivings about this idea!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough 

Virtual Office Existential Issues

The only downside of being a virtual office tenant:

So what if you're a virtual tenant. Of course I think of you as a real person.  

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Ivy League Virtual Office Services

Please indicate your SAT scores on the application forms.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for Working Moms

The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows loves working moms!

Abigail! What a nice surprise. I was hoping that your mother would bring you in today for a visit. Can you stay with me for a little while, while mommy goes up to her office to do some work? I could use some help here at the front desk. Is that okay with you, mommy?

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Sales Training Services

But I don't want to make cold sales calls!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Beck & Call Virtual Office Services

Welcome to the Executive Office Center, Mr. Jones. Let me introduce you to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. They are here to insure a premium level of service for our tenants. There is a bell pull in your office to summon them when needed.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

ET Phone Home Virtual Office Services

Who can forget the lovable little alien who was stranded on earth in Steven Spielberg's 1982 blockbuster film, ET, the Extra-Terrestrial. ET needed to "phone home" in order to be rescued. He constructed a makeshift radar dish with a popup umbrella lined with aluminum foil, in order to signal his spaceship to pick him up.  If ET was stranded on earth today, advancements in communication technology would have made it easy for him to "phone home," just as it makes it easy for tenants and virtual tenants of the Executive Office Center to phone home or anywhere in the world with customized Queens virtual office telecommunication plans.

He wants to know if he can use the dish on the roof for his own communication needs.  It doesn't fall into any of our basic packages, but we do offer to customize our virtual office telecommunication plans.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for Accountants

You may find this bed convenient during tax season, Mr. Harrelson. Just don't let me find anyone else in here with you.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for Queens

We never dreamed, when the Executive Office Center opened for business  in 2010, that this would be cause for confusion.

I'm sorry to disappoint you. The Executive Office Center is not exclusively for transvestites. We mean the borough of Queens.

by Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Michael Malbrough

Virtual Office On Demand Meeting Space

The on demand aspect of this package should suit my husband particularly well.

by Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Offices and the Theory of Relativity

No, Professor, I know that time and space are relative, but you can not get a discount because you feel that the time you spent in the office passed quickly.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Personalized Telephone Answering for Small Businesses

"Out of da Hood Financing?" That's how you want us to answer the phones for you?!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Global Virtual Office Services

Virtual office services allow you to conquer the world on a budget!

Mr. Kahn, perhaps a man of your ambition would like to consider our "World Dominion" package. It gives you the ultimate opportunity to grow your business by being able to attack from virtually every major metropolitan center in the world.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Office Planners Predict the Demise of the Desk

Office space architects and designers are opting for open and more flexible work space in Queens.

I have bad news for you and your ilk.

ByJack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Abandoned Mall Becomes Co-working Center

You can take the zip line to the food court from over here, but I wouldn't suggest it unless you're wearing pants.
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Launch Pad Virtual Office Services

It's easy to get your business off the ground in Queens NY, with virtual office services at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows. 

Roger, Houston. We've got Eddie and Jody Moore signed up, ready for liftoff.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Janet Yellen Seeks Virtual Office Services for Federal Reserve Board

Virtual office services are perfect for businesses and institutions that don't require full time office space.

As you may know, Mary, we meet every six weeks - about eight times a year. We also need the conference room four times a year to present economic projections and provide additional context for our policy decisions.

A virtual office definitely makes sense for the Fed, Ms. Yellen - I can even offer you a discount if you give us advance notice of when you plan to hike interest rates!

by Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Ocean Edge Virtual Office Services

Maybe you shouldn't come to work in heels anymore.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Live Free Virtual Office Solutions

I want the plan she's on.

Co-working for Evangelical Investors

The right Queens co-working environment allows you to mix and mingle with people who share your interests!

Yes, Mary, this is just what I'm looking for!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Prestigious US Virtual Office Address

In the world of commerce, having the right US business address counts!

No wonder - he has an office at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows in Queens NY.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Offices Services are Ideal for Exploring New Markets

Beings from outside the borough seeking market penetration in Queens NY will find the best platform for virtual office services at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows, conveniently located just off exit 25 of the Long Island Expressway.

We would like to establish a field office at the Executive Office Center to explore the possibility of establishing a trade relationship between our worlds.

Okay - but only if you promise me this is not just a pretext for trying to take over our planet.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Get Your Swag On Virtual Office Services

At the Executive Office Center of Fresh Meadows, we empower our tenants!

Okay, Clarice, you look terrific. Now, when you walk into the room, you're going to walk into the room! Don't forget, you're not just anybody. You're Clarice Schulman!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Hedonism Virtual Office Services

Where else but the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!

If you're interested in a co-venture, our hot tub is a great place to meet someone to get a collaboration going.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

24/7 Virtual Office Services

The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows is not just a place where people come to work.  For some, it is also a refuge.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Schwartz. The office is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I can not tell your husband to go home at a reasonable hour.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Fees

No, Bill, we do not accept virtual payments for our virtual office services.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Top Secret Meeting Room Services

Discretion is assured at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!

You'd like to schedule the conference room for a top secret meeting at 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday? Okay, just to be on the safe side, don't tell me who's calling.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Co-working Space with Rock Climbing Wall

Why we don't have a rock climbing wall at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows.

Will you please get down off the friggin wall, and get back to work already. We're trying to get a business off the ground, remember?


By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Beauty Salon Services

Where else, but at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!

Would you like to get your nails done while you're waiting for us to get the internet back up again?

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

NY Virtual Office Business Address & Mailbox Services

Safety and security come first at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows.

It will be an extra $39.00 per month if you want the anthrax detection service.


By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Commuter Cabs

Yes, Virtual Office Services to and from your virtual office at the Executive Office Center!

George, there's a strange car that's been circling the block for the past two hours.

It's me, honey.  I'm in a holding pattern around the house until my meeting is over.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Business Consulting Services

Learn the fundamentals of business at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Business Networking Services

The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows helps build business relationships between our tenants.

Can you gentlemen please behave yourselves!

By Jack Blumner

Illustrated by Michael Malbrough

The History Of Virtual Offices: Virtual Offices & Stalin

Seize all the office space and send the landlords to work on the farm collectives. The space will be shared by the masses! Furthermore, I want to see a Five Year Plan on my desk by morning!


By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

In his famous speech to the British House of Commons on June 8, 1982, President Ronald Reagan said, "freedom and democracy will leave Marxism and Leninism on the ash heap of history...but Stalin was on to something with the concept of virtual office services." (the latter is apocryphal)

First Class Co-working Services

Oh, goody!  I've always wanted to sit in First Class!

By Jack Blumner

Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Every seat is a seat in First Class at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!

Queens Multi-Purpose Meeting Facility

The Executive Conference Room at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows is a great place for closings, presentations, sales force meetings, video conferences, board meetings, and almost anything else you can think of...

But Mary, there isn't anything in the lease that says I can't have a male stripper in the conference room.  I brought my whole bachelorette party here!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough