Virtual Office Personalized Telephone Answering

Out of da Hood Financing?! That's how you want us to answer the phones for you?!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Mail Notification Services

Hello Mr. Allen, this is Michelle at the Executive Office Center. I'm just calling to tell you that you have a package from - one second, let me have a look - oh... it's from the...Intimate Toy Store....uhm...okay...gotta go now.  

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Emergency Care Services

We're going to have the internet back up in a few moments, Mr. Watson. Calm down. Breathe deeply.  Here, sit down, bend over and put your head between your knees.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Package Receipt Services

The drop off - er, that is, package delivery - will take place tomorrow afternoon. If everything goes well, you'll be getting a very substantial bonus, Ms. Abrams. You're running a wonderful operation here.  Isn't that right, boys?  

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Geisha Girl Virtual Office Services

Look, Michelle, we're in a very competitive marketplace. We need to offer something new - something different. There, that looks good.  Now, all I'm asking you do to do is put your hair up in a bun, put a chopstick through it, and walk on somebody's back for twenty minutes.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Extra Care Services

Sorry to hear you're under the weather today, mum.  But don't worry, this chicken soup should give that cold a good fight.  And there's a glass of orange juice and zinc tablets on the tray, as well.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Services for Extraterrestrials

Foolish earthlings.  Do they not realize how easy and economical their virtual office services network has made it for us to infiltrate their major population centers and take over the world!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Social Media Services

As you know, every week the Executive Office Center invite a new speaker to the office to help you with various aspects of your businesses.  Today I am pleased to have with us the messiah of social media marketing world...

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Wardrobe Consulting Services

I'm very sorry, Mr. Chiu, but I can not allow you to go to a business meeting in that suit. You're a size 40, right. Here, take this and see if it fits.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Reach Me Now Services

Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs, now!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Courier Services

The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it  will understand what it means.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Above and Beyond Virtual Office Services

Hello Mr. Jones, the FBI was here looking for you today. I told them I didn't know your whereabouts.

That'll be an extra $59 charge on your invoice this month.

by Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

High Holiday Virtual Office Services

This may interest you as well, Mr. Jacobs.  For a one time fee of $189, we will send someone to synagogue for you on Yom Kippur to attone for your sins. It'll be an extra $100 if you want that person to fast.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Confessional Services

Queens virtual office services to meet the needs of today's decadent lifestyle.

And this may interest you. If you live a decadent and dissolute lifestyle, like a lot of people I know, we have a priest who comes in twice weekly to take confession from our tenants.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Services and Multinational Companies

Congratulations Mr. Smith.  Now, with your office in London and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you are officially a multinational company!

By Jack Blumner,
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Under the Mistletoe at the Executive Office Center

Ring out the old, ring in the new at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows.

Hey, Mr. Cabbot, I'll be looking for you under the mistletoe at the holiday party, and I'll be expecting something more than a virtual kiss from you.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Services for the Holiday Season

Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single?

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Don't suffer from virtual office anxiety unnecessarily

Social workers and psychotherapists abound at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows for those suffering from mental distress.

I don't know.  Lately, I've had these feelings of being...well...kind of vague and indefinite.

By Jack Blumner

Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Telephone Reception Services

In a world fraught with anxiety, it's good to know that the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows is home to over a dozen social workers and psychotherapists. 

Michelle, when I said get into the holiday spirit on the telephones, I didn't mean for you to become anxious and depressed.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church

Virtual Office Services for Start Ups

Your start up company is going to grow.  I see it getting bigger and bigger.  Wait, I see something else...a woman.  Oh, it's your dearly departed wife, Sylvia.  She says...you were never a success, and you never will be...I'm sorry.  Don't pay any attention to her.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Rebecca Church