Virtual Office Services for Professionals

Start the new year right with a virtual office at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows - the place for Queens professionals!

No, we can not allow that here. I apologize for the misunderstanding. When you said you were professionals, I thought...

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for the Holidays

Our top selling holiday virtual office service, year in and year out

Could we interest you in a virtual boyfriend for the holidays, perhaps? Someone to bring home with you when you visit your family, so they don't torture you about the fact that you're still single.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Queens NY Telephone Answering Service

When I said get into the holiday spirit on the telephones, I didn't mean for you to become anxious and depressed.

Virtual Office Mail Receipt Services

Hello Mr. Allen, this is Michelle at the Executive Office Center. I'm just calling to let you know that you have a package from - one second, let me have a look - oh... it's from the...Intimate Toy Store...uhm...okay...gotta go now.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Over the Top Virtual Office Services

Michelle, can you help Mr. Williams with the jet pack. He has to be in Manhattan by 3:00 p.m. and the Long Island Expressway is backed up from Junction Blvd.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Concierge Services

Hello Mr. Burns. I've got you on the red-eye to Los Angeles, leaving JFK at 11:55. There are stuffed animals at the front desk, if you'd care to take one for your daughter - and I've picked up a lovely necklace for your wife, because you've been away from home for a week, and she would have expected you to miss her greatly...though we know otherwise, don't we.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Remote Outpost Virtual Office Services

You need something for six months in the Brazilian rain forest near Manaus? You're doing research in the jungle, I presume. Okay, the Executive Office Center has a couple of huts off the Amazon near Manaus with the Lackachi tribe. If you're shopping around, let me just warn you that Global Space has something not far from there, but there are Hummoca in that vicinity, and the Hummoca are cannibals.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Relationship Management Services

Mr. Chandler, your 13th wedding anniversary is coming up next Tuesday. I've made reservations for dinner for you and your wife at the Lion, and order two dozen long stemmed roses. There's a card, of course. Would you like to write something sweet, or would you like me to take care of that?

By Jack Blumner

Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Courier Services

The package smells because it contains a fish that has been wrapped in someone's clothes. Don't worry, Ms. Abrams. The person who receives it will understand what it means.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Reach Me Now Services

Rex, we have an urgent message for Mr. Biggs, and we can't reach him on his cell phone or by email. Find him, Rex. Find Mr. Biggs now!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Confessional Services

And this may interest you. If you live a decadent and dissolute lifestyle like a lot of people I know, we have a priest who comes in twice weekly to take confession from our tenants.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Business Mentoring at the Executive Office Center

So, what you gotta do is - first you spend a couple of years doing petty theft. Just to get your feet wet. Small stuff, just to see if you have the stomach for it. Then, you got lots of options, drugs, racketeering, protection. Being a hit man pays good money, too.

Oh my God! Vito, why are you talking to this man?! He was supposed to talk to Alan Kramer. He is starting a new web design business!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services and the Olive Oil Business

A virtual office would be perfect for us, Ms. Abrams. Let's just say we're in the olive oil business, and we'd like to expand our operations into New York.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Grow Multi-nationally with Virtual Office Services

Congratulations, Mr. Smith.  Now, with your office in London, and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you're officially a multinational company!

Floating Office Space - the Next Big Thing?

As we run out of space in the major cities of the world, some companies have actually turned to the water to creates work space, such as the H2Office pods in Cardiff Marina in Cardiff, England.  But the one planned at Old Fort Niagra may be ill conceived.

I told you I had misgivings about this idea!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough 

Virtual Office Existential Issues

The only downside of being a virtual office tenant:

So what if you're a virtual tenant. Of course I think of you as a real person.  

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Ivy League Virtual Office Services

Please indicate your SAT scores on the application forms.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Services for Working Moms

The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows loves working moms!

Abigail! What a nice surprise. I was hoping that your mother would bring you in today for a visit. Can you stay with me for a little while, while mommy goes up to her office to do some work? I could use some help here at the front desk. Is that okay with you, mommy?

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Virtual Office Sales Training Services

But I don't want to make cold sales calls!

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough

Beck & Call Virtual Office Services

Welcome to the Executive Office Center, Mr. Jones. Let me introduce you to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. They are here to insure a premium level of service for our tenants. There is a bell pull in your office to summon them when needed.

By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough