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| So, what you gotta do is - first you spend a couple of years doing petty theft. Just to get your feet wet. Small stuff, just to see if you have the stomach for it. Then, you got lots of options, drugs, racketeering, protection. Being a hit man pays good money, too. Oh my God! Vito, why are you talking to this man?! He was supposed to talk to Alan Kramer. He is starting a new web design business! |
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| A virtual office would be perfect for us, Ms. Abrams. Let's just say we're in the olive oil business, and we'd like to expand our operations into New York. |
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| Congratulations, Mr. Smith. Now, with your office in London, and your $79/month virtual office in New York, you're officially a multinational company! |
As we run out of space in the major cities of the world, some companies have actually turned to the water to creates work space, such as the H2Office pods in Cardiff Marina in Cardiff, England. But the one planned at Old Fort Niagra may be ill conceived.
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| I told you I had misgivings about this idea! |
The only downside of being a virtual office tenant:
.jpg "Virtual Office Existential Issues (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| So what if you're a virtual tenant. Of course I think of you as a real person. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Ivy League Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Please indicate your SAT scores on the application forms. |
The Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows loves working moms!
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| Abigail! What a nice surprise. I was hoping that your mother would bring you in today for a visit. Can you stay with me for a little while, while mommy goes up to her office to do some work? I could use some help here at the front desk. Is that okay with you, mommy? |
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| But I don't want to make cold sales calls! |
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| Welcome to the Executive Office Center, Mr. Jones. Let me introduce you to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. They are here to insure a premium level of service for our tenants. There is a bell pull in your office to summon them when needed. |
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| He wants to know if he can use the dish on the roof for his own communication needs. It doesn't fall into any of our basic packages, but we do offer to customize our virtual office telecommunication plans. |
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| You may find this bed convenient during tax season, Mr. Harrelson. Just don't let me find anyone else in here with you. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| I'm sorry to disappoint you. The Executive Office Center is not exclusively for transvestites. We mean the borough of Queens. by Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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| No, Professor, I know that time and space are relative, but you can not get a discount because you feel that the time you spent in the office passed quickly. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| "Out of da Hood Financing?" That's how you want us to answer the phones for you?! |
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| Mr. Kahn, perhaps a man of your ambition would like to consider our "World Dominion" package. It gives you the ultimate opportunity to grow your business by being able to attack from virtually every major metropolitan center in the world. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Office Planners Predict the Demise of the Desk (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| I have bad news for you and your ilk. |
.jpg "Abandoned Mall Becomes Co-working Center (© by Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| You can take the zip line to the food court from over here, but I wouldn't suggest it unless you're wearing pants. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Launch Pad Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Roger, Houston. We've got Eddie and Jody Moore signed up, ready for liftoff. |
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| As you may know, Mary, we meet every six weeks - about eight times a year. We also need the conference room four times a year to present economic projections and provide additional context for our policy decisions. A virtual office definitely makes sense for the Fed, Ms. Yellen - I can even offer you a discount if you give us advance notice of when you plan to hike interest rates! |
.jpg "Ocean Edge Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
Maybe you shouldn't come to work in heels anymore.
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Yes, Mary, this is just what I'm looking for!
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| No wonder - he has an office at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows in Queens NY. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
Beings from outside the borough seeking market penetration in Queens NY will find the best platform for virtual office services at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows, conveniently located just off exit 25 of the Long Island Expressway.
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| We would like to establish a field office at the Executive Office Center to explore the possibility of establishing a trade relationship between our worlds. Okay - but only if you promise me this is not just a pretext for trying to take over our planet. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Okay, Clarice, you look terrific. Now, when you walk into the room, you're going to walk into the room! Don't forget, you're not just anybody. You're Clarice Schulman! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Hedonism Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| If you're interested in a co-venture, our hot tub is a great place to meet someone to get a collaboration going. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| I'm sorry, Mrs. Schwartz. The office is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I can not tell your husband to go home at a reasonable hour. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| No, Bill, we do not accept virtual payments for our virtual office services. |
Discretion is assured at the Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows!
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| You'd like to schedule the conference room for a top secret meeting at 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday? Okay, just to be on the safe side, don't tell me who's calling. |
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| Will you please get down off the friggin wall, and get back to work already. We're trying to get a business off the ground, remember? By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office Beauty Salon Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Would you like to get your nails done while you're waiting for us to get the internet back up again? |
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| It will be an extra $39.00 per month if you want the anthrax detection service. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office Commuter Cabs (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| George, there's a strange car that's been circling the block for the past two hours. It's me, honey. I'm in a holding pattern around the house until my meeting is over. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Can you gentlemen please behave yourselves!
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Michael Malbrough
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| Seize all the office space and send the landlords to work on the farm collectives. The space will be shared by the masses! Furthermore, I want to see a Five Year Plan on my desk by morning! By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
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| Oh, goody! I've always wanted to sit in First Class!
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Mike Malbrough
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| But Mary, there isn't anything in the lease that says I can't have a male stripper in the conference room. I brought my whole bachelorette party here! |
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| Just what we needed out here, more humans who want to commune with nature while they work. Why can't they just stay in their cities?! |
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| Let me introduce our staff. This is Mr. Singh. He's from India. Ray is from Jamaica. Trish is Korean. Amy is Chinese. And Emma, always the oddball, is from Virginia. |
.jpg "Virtual Office Daycare Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| Hold him, Michelle. Mr. Miller has a balance of $7.60 in unpaid facsimile charges. He'll get him back when he settles his account. |
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Mary, Larry says the chanting in the conference room is bothering him.
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I'm looking for an environment where a certain amount of screaming and shouting can be tolerated.
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| They are available for assassination, espionage, intimidation, and all of your other business needs. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Mike Malbrough |
.jpg "Egalitarian Virtual Office Services (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| James, pick me up at precisely 3:00 p.m. I've reserved the conference room for two hours, and Mary hates when we run over our time - even if we are followed by commoners. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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What it be? What it is? What it do? Uhm, can I help you?
By Jack Blumner
Illustrated by Michael Malbrough
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.jpg "The Early History of Virtual Offices (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)") |
| You take cave for two hours for clan meeting. Me take golden hair. By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
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| What do you mean, the virtual tenant from Jupiter left the conference room, "icky." By Jack Blumner Illustrated by Michael Malbrough |
.jpg "Virtual Office On Demand Meeting Space (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)")
.jpg "Live Free Virtual Office Solutions (© Jack Blumner, Executive Office Center at Fresh Meadows)")